Here's a joke for you told to me by a Mr. Chuck Baker. I know him from the diner.
There was this man who had a pet monkey and he took him to a bar. The bartender told him he could not bring the monkey in, "He''ll cause too much trouble." The man told the bartender, "No, he won't cause any trouble, I promise. He's a good monkey." So after a while the monkey began to run around knocking stuff over, drinking people's drinks, and throwing stuff. Then he went over to the pool table and began throwing the balls onto the floor. All of a sudden he swallowed the cue ball. The bartender got mad and said, "Have you seen what all your monkey has done? He just swallowed our cue ball!" The man apologized, "Just bill me for whatever he has done." A few weeks later the man returned with his pet monkey. The bartender told him he could not bring it into the bar, "You remember what he did last time." The man said, "I promise, he won't do that again." The bartender finally agreed. After a while the monkey began to jump around and bother people. He grabbed a maraschino cherry, stuck it up his ass, and then ate it. The bartender was appalled, "Did you see what your monkey just did? He stuck a cherry up his ass and ate it!" The man shrugged, "Oh, don't worry, he tests everything for size after the cue ball."